I cut again and took the pills?

i felt soo frustrated even after i cut , it didnt help , why didnt it help, it did the last time , maybe cuz last time the blood dripped this time i really had to push myself to cut .... it was smaller the last time , i pressed my finger bt blood didnt come out.......i knew if i didnt so this i would feel frustrated.... y was i soo scared to cut even when i wanted to? i just chewed the pills didnt take water? i am goin mad? iam 17 it is not helpin me.